The hidden truth

She was in a very sad atmosphere for months and months. No one ever realized how hard she tried to keep that smile pasted on her face to hide the scars that run so deep in her heart. She cried to bed every night, thinking about the miseries surrounding her.

"Silence might be a bless", she told herself. That is her principle she held, not wanting to burden others or rely on them for support. What can be so hurtful and at the same time haunting her thoughts all night? No one knows, no one heard but only those who experienced it with her knew. Years by years had passed, but the same situation occurs again once a while. Why can't life be easy on her? Why can't it be fair to her? For once, she wished she knew the answer as tears of sorrow flow down her cheeks leaving warm trails behind them.

No one said life would be easy, she knew that all along. She never expect life to be a fairytale, after all that she had been through in the past. Everyone has their hidden secrets, who would know if there is cracks in your fairytale if you did not tell? From the eyes of others, they would always see her smiling ever so happily, living the dreams of many. But the truth deep down, she has so many untold stories that was never meant to be shared. She would cry herself to sleep, bearing all the sorrow and pain along. Swollen eyes, dried tears and a numb heart, that is when she can finally nap some rest.

She lost the one she loved the most, the one she would sacrifice all for him. She thought he would be strong enough to bear it all through with her, but she was all wrong. Regrets and regrets is all she has for him now, nothing can take that away. She blames herself for being selfish, for not sharing her thoughts with him. If only he knew...

IF and only if...

So many possibilities could have happened, that's with a simple "IF". If only he knew, things would have been different. If only he knew, he might still be hers. If only he knew, she might not go through all these alone. If only he knew, they might had last forever.. But end of the day, she realized that all these were just wishful thinking, that she has to go back to reality and face everything by her own.

Little did she knew that "the one" she had asked to be blessed, might had given up long ago. That he had been putting his hopes and faith on someone else while she was struggling to patch things up. Has it ever crossed his mind, that his actions will break her already fragile heart? Untold tales were meant for his good but things were seem as too complicated for him. Who was she to him? Was everything so easy to be let go and forgotten that he can walked away just like that without a glance back? Was everything she given is never enough?

She ponders till now, left without an answer.......

What is wrong? Why can't things be easier? 

 

     So many things I wish for but it all seems to be impossible. I wish that he'll realise what was wrong in the past. I'm not asking for much, only for him to realise the situation and understand. Only if he understood by then..

     People tend to misunderstood your thoughts and clash with them when they have their own point of view. Only if humans can understand each other more.. 

I'm so sick of the whole situation. It never seems to end, just like a bad dream that always haunt you. The past haunts you, the present worries you and the future scares you. Only if I still have him and only if he would understand me better. Yet again, I've learnt to not expect too much as it'll only disappoint yourself by the end of the day. 

All in all, I just want to release some emotions here :)

Finally, I got the old you back! It feels so good! I didn't expect expressing my true feelings will make things emotional :) Glad you're back on board twinny! So happy! At one point I thought I was gonna lose you.. Thank God that my words still can cramp its way into your brains and have some effect! :D

Hope things will get better :)

xoxo

Today I met a friend.. Although I said that I don't really enjoy her presence around me anymore, I guess somehow I was wrong. I missed her, I missed those laughter we shared, those tears we been through together, those stupid jokes we made, those gossips that we can go on with forever..

So, I decided to start all over again, try to forgive and forget what's past, try to accept their weakness better (every human being has their weakness)....

All in all, I hope things would get better, my mood would get better, my irritation would get suppressed better and EVERYTHING WOULD BE GREAT! :) 


Wish me luck! Adios!~

Lol, I jz read Aik Leng's blog after so long din sign in.. Had a good laugh, she is an adorable one! :)

Went to Secondhand Serenade's showcase, it was AWESOME!!  They were so nice and John's just plain charming! :D Bf took some vids at the showcase but there's something wrong with that stupid phone, ended up all vids no sound.. Sigh! Truely depressing! :( But they were just good, epic ending with " Fall For You "! :D Supper at Murni, came back with huge tummy! Yummy!~

Hmm, human relationships are funny aren't they? When someone's important to you, you care for them but when they're gone from your life, you couldn't care less. Friendships are worse, you can be good friends, and the next moment you're strangers to each other. Bonding between humans does take time, effort and compatibility I guess.. To all those friends whom I'm close with now, I hope this remains. To those whom I befriended with, I hope our friendship could last and we would always keep in touch :)

As for others, I shall let God decide :) Time for bed! :D

finally, SHOPPING!! :D

This was on Saturday but now only wanna blog about it :)

I stumbled across this fb page of a cafe named Citrusplus, and the pictures of the food shown seems nice so we decided to give it a try. It's in SS15, next to RHB bank. We reached there with growling stomachs and thank God the food wasn't disappointing :)

I ordered spaghetti meatballs and a cup of hot chocolate..

The meatballs are really nice but it would be better if they do sth about 

the sauce, it tasted like ketchup :(

Some sort of chicken curry rice named "Devil's Peak"

The hot chocolate was no good, but the chicken cream soup was nice (there's chicken chunks in it).. 

Overall rating : 6 / 10

After the meal, we went for a short shopping trip in Sunway Pyramid and watched "Due Date". Not bad if you're looking for a comedy movie, it's full of idiocies and vulgar words. Lots & lots of the 'f' word.. LOL!

Then proceeded to Bangsar, shopped at Peacocks London as dearest bf got cash vouchers! :D Apparently, this is their 1st branch in Malaysia. There's a few dresses which attracted me but there's no size 4! None of the clothes I'm interested in has a size 4! The smallest size they have is size 6. Wth! I wonder if they are just out of stock.. End up bought a bag while bf bought a pair of jeans. Had dinner at Buffalo Kitchen. 

This is what that greeted us :) 

Came with some salad but Mr JC ate it  ><"

Food was nice, ambience was great.. Overall rating : 7/10

Whole day of shopping but only got a bag and a shirt. This means... 

More shopping trips to come!!  :D

I couldn't sleep..  :(  Here's the lyrics of one of my favourite songs. It can represent love and also "emo-ness"..

Everytime We Touch by Cascada

Enjoy! :)

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me

I still feel your touch in my dreams

Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why

Without you it's hard to survive

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling

And everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly

Can't you feel my heart beat fast?

I want this to last

I need you by my side

'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static

And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky

Can't you hear my heart beat so?

I can't let you go

I want you in my life

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky

They wipe away tears that I cry

The good and the bad times, we've been through them all

You make me rise when I fall

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling

And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly

Can't you feel my heart beat fast?

I want this to last

I need you by my side

'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static

And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky

Can't you hear my heart beat so?

I can't let you go

I want you in my life

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling

And everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly

Can't you feel my heart beat fast?

I want this to last

I need you by my side

weird.....

These days I've been having weird dreams almost every afternoon.. Wth is going on? All those dreams seem pretty real but I don't want them to happen in real life.. Is it the effect of waking up late? Who can interpret dreams? ><"

F*** YOU, STPM!!!!! 


I swear if you're a thing, I'll smash the hell out of you with a big damn gigantic enormous hammer till you become microscopic dust! Damn you!!!!! >=( 

CHANGE

This week's been like a fucking cursed week!! Nothing's sailing smoothly!

I'm just so full of frustration I can burn down a house! 
I'm so full of disappointment I can cry a river! 
I'm so fucking mad right now I can tear you into pieces! 

God, please guide me through this journey coz I'm just too weak I might just fall into pieces...
Bless me so that I can stay strong, stay sane.. 
For when I lose my mind, nothing's going to end up right..

Today's the day 1st time ever in history that I cried for a stupid waste of time subject paper!

I knew the day's gonna be rough coz I didn't have the chance to get much rest and was having weird dreams haunting me throughout my "sleep". Pure shitty day! I went to school with confidence that I'll at least able to do the whole paper, ended up a whole pile of stuff undone. My hands were practically shaking  during the last hour coz I knew that I wouldn't be able to finish the entire paper. 


Till the very last minute I still try to scribble, but seems like it wasn't much of a help. By the time the papers were out of my sight, I know if I don't hold myself together, I'm gonna breakdown right on the spot.Quiet and walking with quick steps, I got into the car and the next minute.... Yeah, I broke down.. I wish that he was here, with me, holding me, comforting me, soothing me, humming some la-la song..  ='(  

Stress??

From this second, I've got around 28hours or so to my first STPM paper! Damn! Now only I started to get a little taste of being tensed up. There's so much to do and time is really running out. At the same time I just want all this to come to an end, a happy one preferably but we couldn't choose do we?

Examination haven't start but I'm already thinking of what to do after. Is all this due to excitement that finally all will be ending real soon or just because I had given up long ago? I always ponder upon this but just couldn't find the answer..

Once exams over, I guess that would be the end of school life. I am sure I'll miss everyone real bad especially those crazy friends that had been by my side and the lovely teachers that guided me all along.

Pray hard now, I'll be needing all that! ;)

Yesterday was a pure bad day.. 

My ko-kurikulum marks were a disaster, no thanks the teachers. Finally got rescued by the ever-so-kind Mr Sazli. Everything will be settled on Monday. Phew!~ 

Then when to see the doctor as I realised there's blood in my urine. And as I expected, there's stone particles in my urinary tract. Sigh! Hope the medication works, or else gotta do laser surgery. To add on to that, there's some stuff in my uterus, abnormal size it seems. Gotta go see a gynae all. Seems like I'm just full of crap for now. This sucks! :(

Dearest bf just got back from Cameron. Gosh! Was I so excited to see him! It just felt weird to let my weekends gone without him. ><"

Guess what's the first thing he said when he saw me? "Baby, I'm sorry!". I was like, "Huh? What for?". He showed me a sad face. "I'm sorry coz I didn't get you flowers from Cameron. They didn't sell roses at those places we went". And the best part was that he actually gone to florist stores trying to find roses but they were all closed. That silly darling! He's just the sweetest thing! :)

Instead of roses, I got a cute lil hot pink coloured cactus. LOL! We named it Mimi. =D 

Mimi will be the witness of our love growing as days passed and grow along :) It's been 6months now! Things are as sweet as how it started and I hope it'll always be.. 

I LOVE YOU, BABY! ♥

BIRTHDAYS?

yeap! Imma talk bout birthdays..

What do the term "birthday" means to you? Do you find it something special or is it just another ordinary day?

To me, birthdays are something special when it's about the people around me.. Without those days, they wouldn't be in my life now. That's why I tend to remember them. =D But when it comes to mine, it's just another ordinary day.

What about you? ;)

Is a girl asking too much if she expects more from her guy? 

Sometimes I wish he's more understanding but how can he when he's no me
Sometimes I wish he's a romantic coz that's really sweet but he's just ain't one
Sometimes I wish he's good at surprising as that's something I enjoy
And sometimes I wish he would be more to the person I wish he could be but that's just impossible

Noone's perfect and I guess we shouldn't expect too much :)

Life's nothing but a journey, sailing through the rough yet smooth sea of emotions and obstacles.. I always remember this quote from a friend, "One must overcome difficulties, not to be overcome by difficulties". Who says life would be easy? There's a new challenge everyday. It's up to us to stay strong and get through it, or to be defeated by it. 

I hope I'm strong enough to go through this last month before hell ends! ><"

feeling like a crap

been sick for few days now.. this really sucks! whole day sneezing non-stop, mountain of tissues piling up, blur the whole day! sigh! and to add to all these crap, I failed my PA paper.. One of the papers that you're supposed to pass easily :( But I wasn't the only one to fail this stupid paper.. This is the second time I didn't manage to finish all questions. Seems like I really gotta buckle up! ><"

Other than all the shite(s) that happened, I guess today's jz another normal day passing by bringing me closer to Doom's Day! :(

Dearest daddy bought a pair of rabbits and another pair of guinea pigs, especially for me coz he always sees me playing with those stray pups that are all now gone.. I wonder who adopted them. Anyhow, I hope they get good care takers :) Signing out now! Peace! ;)

everything about you

i miss everything about you.. from your touch, to your smile, your laughter, your hugs, your warmth, your smell, EVERYTHING! :) love the way you pulled me into your arms and tell me that everything will be ok when something's wrong. it feels so right when you always there for me no matter what. it's funny when i complained i'm fat and show you the fatty layers and yet you said i'm skinny. wonder whether you mean it or just said it to make me happy. haha! love the way you pushed my hair behind my ears while you looked me in the eyes. it feels like we're connected to each other's soul, loving you more each second. i miss you even more when we have our heart-to-heart talk, cuddled up in each other's embrace. so sweet! and also the part where you always remind me how much you love me and how you don't want the sand in the hour-glass to run out..

baby, as always, ily!  :)

it's been a while since i last felt like this.. don't know what is the exact word to describe this feeling.. It felt something like lonely, empty, cold and hollow.. I felt as though I'm losing a part of me each time I feel this way.. Everytime I just wanna be alone, let this feeling eat me up slowly, feel it deep and finally tear.. Weird huh?? Well, I guess when they say girls are emo creatures, there's a truth to it ;)

inner thoughts??

have you ever feel hurt by someone till you can feel the pain paralyzing you? As you can feel the nerves pulling and the tears just flowed like a river. Sometimes it just makes me wonder, it's that why people cut their wrist? So that they can ease the pain by letting the pain "flows out" with the blood? That's what I heard before. How true is that? One thing's for sure, crying out definitely flows out the emotions along. Although it doesn't ease the pain, yet it still helps. Bit by bit, till you're tired, I guess that's when all of the emotions are out. :) And so I read somewhere that girls' tears are like the sand in an hour-glass. Once they run dry, that's when your time is up. I agree on that. When they're out of tears, I guess that's when they're tired of everything, on the edge of giving up. There's still hope of course, but how big is it? Are they still willing to give you a second chance? Or do they just wanna move on without you? The best solution is, treat your girl right. You never wanna give her the chance to think twice. Trust me! :D